Christmas pains

Heard one of the more amusing variants on 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' on the radio today that I've heard in a long time. It was a song called 'The Twelve Pains of Christmas' and I got a pretty good chuckle out of it. I particularly liked the guy trying to rig up the lights.

The Twelve Pains Of Christmas

Chorus:
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Is finding a Christams tree.

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 Husband:  Rigging up the lights,
  Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
  Husband:  Rigging up the lights,
   Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 Frustrated man:  Sending Christmas cards,
  Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
   Husband:  Rigging up the lights,
    Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 Five months of bills,
  Frustrated man:  Sending Christmas cards,
   Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
    Husband:  Rigging up the lights,
     Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 Frustrated wife:  Facing my in-laws,
  Chorus:  Five months of bills,
   Frustrated man:  Oh, I hate those Christmas cards,
    Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
     Husband:  Rigging up these lights,
      Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 Angry man:  The Salvation Army,
  Frustrated wife:  Facing my in-laws,
   Chorus:  Five months of bills,
    Frustrated man:  Sending Christmas cards,
     Inebriated man:  Oh, Jeez!
      Husband:  I'm trying to rig up these lights!
       Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 Loud kid:  I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!
  Angry man:  Charities
   Frustrated wife:  And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?!?
    Chorus:  Five months of bills,
     Frustrated man:  Oh, making out these cards,
      Inebriated man:  Edith, get me a beer, huh?
       Husband:  What we have no extension cords?!?
        Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 Another frustrated man:  No parking spaces,
  Loud kid:  DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!
   Angry man:  Donations!
    Frustrated wife:  Facing my in-laws,
     Chorus:  Five months of bills,
      Frustrated man:  Writing out those Christmas cards,
       Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
        Husband:  Now why the hell are they blinking?!?
         Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 Mother:  "Batteries not included",
  Another frustrated man:  No parking spaces,
   Loud kid:  BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!!
    Angry man:  Get a job, ya bum!!!
     Frustrated wife (sobbing):  Oh, facing my in-laws,
      Chorus:  Five months of bills,
       Frustrated man:  Yo, ho!  Sending Christmas cards,
        Inebriated man:  Oh, Jeez, look at this!
         Husband:  One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
          Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 TV Critic:  Stale TV specials,
  Mother:  "Batteries not included",
   Another frustrated man:  No parking spaces,
    Loud kid:  I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!
     Angry man:  Charities!!
      Frustrated wife (sobbing):  She's a witch!  I hate her!
       Chorus:  Five months of bills,
        Frustrated man:  Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
         Inebriated man:  Oh, who's got the toilet paper?
          Husband:  Get a flashlight!!  I blew a fuse!!!
           Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

The twelth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
 A few guys:  Singing Christmas Carols,
  TV Critic:  Stale TV specials,
   Mother:  "Batteries not included",
    Another frustrated man:  No parking?
     Loud kid:  WAAAAAAH!!!!  WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
      Angry man:  Charities!
       Frustrated wife:  Gotta make 'em dinner!
        Chorus:  Five months of bills,
         Frustrated man:  I'm not sending them this year, that's it!
          Inebriated man:  Shut up, you!
           Husband:  FINE!!  If you're so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!
            Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

From the album "Bob Rivers Comedy Corp: Twisted Christmas."

Lyrics from LaughNet