Cult of Hoo: Activities

There are several activities which Hooligans engage in, usually inflicted upon other Hooligans.


A group of Hooligans (quorum not required) can opt to kidnap another Hooligan if

  1. the Hooligan in question has missed too many meetings
  2. they decide that the Hooligan in question needs to get drunk
  3. they feel like it

Mowing Lawns

The act of mowing lawns is one of the greatest (and most amusing) Hooligan traditions. Mowing a lawn refers to interrupting or otherwise spoiling a fellow Hooligan's attempt at hitting on a female of the species. A successful mow has no save and recovery is impossible. The degree of mow can range from a push mower to a large field mower and in the case of an exceptionally good mow, a combine tractor.

One of the most successful mows went like this (names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent):

Ed and Fred are up at RATT, talking to a couple of girls at the next table. Ted walks up and says, "Ed, your wife just called. You have to go home because Stephanie's sick." Girl #2 looks at Fred and says, "So, are you married too?"

A fine example of a critical success on the mow with no recovery at all.

Paladins of the Penis

An activity related to mowing lawns, Hooligans become Paladins of the Penis in order to rescue or prevent another Hooligan from falling into the clutches of one of the females of the species. This is usually done when the Hooligan in question is drunk enough to not realize what he's getting into or whenever fellow Hooligans decide someone needs to be paladined.


Recently, several Hooligans have taken to spreading the word of Hoo to other places. On a recent trip to Las Vegas, Hooligans introduced many new alcoholic beverages to the primitive natives there. The natives were so in awe of our advanced drinking technology that Hooligans were given many free drinks as a show of gratitude. The extremely primitive conditions there though made them come back (rudimentary ATM facilities, lack of late night pizza places). Future trips are in the works though.

Bean Day

"Every day is bean day!" There were a number of reasons why this was so, but being drunk at the time, nobody wrote them down or can remember them anymore.

Wet Willies

An activity of great amusement and dubious value, a wet willie involves getting a finger wet with your own saliva and sticking it into an unsuspecting Hooligan's ear.

Silly Breaks

On the houseboat, when it's hot and sunny outside, and the alcohol has been flowing all morning, you can't help but get silly. When a silly break is called, everybody gets naked and jumps off the side of the boat into the water. A great deal of fun (especially when women are involved).